But that’s not all, as Emily was walking in I received a phone call from my father.  I can’t remember the last time he left a message on my voicemail so I knew it was bad.  I called him back and he informed me my Uncle Frank had passed away.  I have spent the entire day with this on my mind.  This is the first loss I have felt in my family for as long as I can remember.  I thought I would reflect on the childhood memories I have from him.  They are really fun and I hope Mary Rose can have the same from her Uncle.

Uncle Frank was a jolly man, with ambition.  He liked to tear things down, and build them back up the way he wanted them to be.  He lived in a home in Lyon’s for most of my childhood, the only home I had even known him to live in.  He is survived by one daughter named Rhonda and 2 sisters and 1 brother.  I remember 2 of my uncles friends…Kenny and I can’t remember the name of the other one but I do know he had a piano and he played really well. They both were a bit strange but as a kid I had no idea what strange really meant.

I can see his face in my mind now.  He had a sweet round, red cheeked face.  He liked his beard and smiled with a big belly laugh pretty often.  Although he was never not unseen in a room, he had a bit of shyness to him.  I miss seeing him on our couch during thanksgiving.  Those thanksgivings ended years ago, his face is always the one I remember the most.  I wish those thanksgiving dinners never ended.

When I was a kid I remember playing in his backyard.  The grass as tall as me, if not taller.  Neighbors probably though he did that to piss them off, but that’s one of the cool things about Uncle Franks home.  It always had a new place to explore.  He had a home full of treasures.  I remember his garage, once I was in it.  Full of stuff.  Like a flea market, but better because you weren’t selling it.  He had a chow named Bear.  He loved that dog, I did too, but for some reason no one would let me near him-including Uncle Frank.

Uncle Frank gave me many things in my life but I remember three I liked the most…well I remember many.  He gave me a parrot that could copy what I said, he gave me one of those light up plants that changed colors..like green,pink,and red…he gave me barbies too(my Bloomingdales barbie is still in her box because Uncle Frank said it was a collector item).  One Christmas when I was a lot younger before I even knew what toy-r-us was he took me there and said I could pick out any toy I wanted.  In true Elizabeth fashion I picked out the most expensive thing, I don’t remember how he talked me out of it but instead I came home with a doll I could feed food to (powder mixed with water), and who pooped….I loved it!

Once while I played in his front yard, where my mom could see me through his grass I found a emerald ring.  I brought it to him and asked him if I could keep it.  He looked at it and gave it back and said since I found it I could keep it!  I still have it!

While I had some really great memories I feel like there could have been more.  I feel like there should have been more, and despite someone’s attempt to want to be left alone, they really are crying out for more love.  I like to think he is with my Grandma’s & Grandpa telling them all about me.  I wish he could have met Mary Rose but the trip to Minnesota simply isn’t an easy one to take.  He would have loved her.

It’s day’s like today I am thankful for what God has given me.  He has blessed me with such a beautiful life.  He has given me so many people to be thankful for.  I am truly grateful for everyone of my friends, new friends, my family and my new family.  I know God is sizing up my Uncle Frank for his wings right now.  I miss him. We all do.

All I want is for every memory of my daughter to be on tape so I can rerun it while she sleeps. & I don’t want to be the one taping it all either. This was all brought on by looking at Mary Rose’s 1st and 2nd month pictures. Wow….I loved her birth! I loved every single thing about it! I love how surprised we were after waiting for 9 month’s to find out she was a girl. & all the surprises since then keep getting better and better. I love all of it. But Love is not enough to make time stand still.

So here I am tonight wishing I could figure out how to best use what precious time I have with my baby girl. I think I can break it down like this…a day is 24 hours….ill spend at least everyone of those hours thinking about my girl…even if I am away or sleeping its impossible not to think about her. Every time I can steal a little cheeky kiss I will!! Every time I can squeeze her into a bear hug with both arms I will. Every time I can kiss her little feet I will. Every time I can sooth her crying I will. Every time I can make a memory I will. So i guess I haven’t figured out time, but I do know my time is best spent with my girl.

P.S. Mike Mom Dad & other family members & friends…I love my time spent with you too! So don’t you worry:)

Her first breaths didn’t come easy.  How quickly we forget how important a breath can be, until a newborn fights to take one.  She laid there scarred, cold, and helpless.  They picked & probed her with needles.  She laid there wondering who had held her for 9 months and 1 week.  Why she needed to leave that place and come to this one.  She had bruises, rashes from bandaids, lights, and a plastic tent around her.  All mom could do was wish I could have brought that little Angel into a calmer world, I would have given her my breath.

All of the fear that mother and child was having was taken away by one man.  Her father.  He held the only part of her body that wasn’t attached to wires, her feet.  He kept them warm with his loving touch.  He made sure she knew she wasn’t alone.  He told her without words that he would stand by her side as she crossed the biggest milestone in her life “breathing”.  As she fought for breath he reassured her that she could do it.  He stayed calm.  She knew that he was her dad, she couldn’t say thank you yet, but curled her toes to say she needed him.  2 hours later she fell asleep and A proud father came walking into the recovery room, and then took care of mom.

Dad had no idea that he was forming a special bond with his princess as he rubbed her feet that night.  When we think of love, we often think of it in the forms of hugs and kisses, flowers, and cards.  Our daughter didn’t need any of that to feel the love her father had for her.  All she needed wanted was the most basic of  all emotions.  His presence, his calm heart, his total entanglement in her, and his trust.  He worked with the doctors along side mom to calm her heart so she would breath at an acceptable pace.  Once she was ready to be on her own the nurses handed her over to mom & dad so we could start building that bond….little did Dad know but he was about to be wrapped around the smallest finger he had ever seen.

She hopped right into bed with dad.  The man who said no way to co-sleeping….here he was less than an hour after she left the NICU sleeping in an uncomfortable cot with his princess under his arm.  That proud father look across his face.

Dad didn’t sleep a wink, but he let the lights turn off and his little princess tuck her tiny body in between his arm and his blankets.  He didn’t move for fear of waking her, he kept her once again protected, calm, and safe.   In less than 3 days she had us convinced that a higher power had something big in store for us.  God spoke to us through Mary Rose.  He told us breath can easily be overlooked, but don’t overlook it.  You have been given many tools, don’t take them for granted.  Use your tools for great things, even if those things aren’t praised daily.  Spend you time with the ones who need your time the most.  Push yourself to move, even when you don’t want to.  Believe that “he” will be there to catch you as you fall.  God held us all those first days of her life, he nurtured us and gave us all strength.  Michael knew what was important that day, he had learned it through his faith.  His faith had kept his heart calm, so she could be calmed.  His faith was transferred into words as he said “hail mary’s” right before she entered this world.  Now God’s gift to Michael in return for his faith was a bond stronger than any friendship.  A bond that only God could forge.  The Daddy, Daughter Bond.

She can only show it in small ways now, but I expect he will many times throughout the rest of her life be the one who calms her heart.

My Daddy, Daughter Bond is many years ahead of Mary Rose’s.  Same love, same bond, same experiences.  He took care of me when I was sick, clapped as I succeed, got me back up when I failed, hurt when I hurt, fought when I tried to fight back, let me find out for myself, wouldn’t let me find out for myself, cooked, worked, fixed, gave, taught, scared boys away, helped me choose the right paths,friends, and gave me the tools I needed to become the women I am today.

My father means the world to me.  He has seen things in me, that I never would have embraced if it hadn’t been for him.  He taught me that patience and persistance is important when you begin any journey. Most recently I have learned from him that you can work a lifetime, but that work if it is paid in monatary is worthless.  The only work worth getting paid for is put into your family.  As a child he was my hero, as a teenager he was my opponent, and as an adult he has become my hero once again.

FASHIONABLE : gone are the days when cloth diapers were just a rag and plastic pants. Today they come in a variety of styles; Pockets, All in Ones, Pre-folds, Two In Ones, and fitted. You can get a diaper with your husband’s favorite football team logo on it, and your baby or babies can wear it for years to come. If you like pink on your princess or blue on your little man you can have every shade of those colors you could imagine. Even a plain white cloth diaper has more personality than a disposable.
COMFORT: We used disposables the first 2 weeks Mary Rose was home in order to get used to all the other changes. That is a piece of great advice I got from another great cloth diapering mama. The minute I put fluff on Mary Rose I felt like she was a whole new baby. Do you really want your baby to make crunchy sounds every time you pick them up? She knew something was different and we haven’t looked back since. Again they come in fleece, hemp, micro fiber, cotton, minky’s (my personal favorite which is a waterproof cover that has soft fleece on the outside of the diaper as well as on the inside). They even have wool, which I hear is soft and not itchy like the wool you are thinking of.
FUN: I was surprised how much dad, grandpa, grandma, and auntie all got into picking out their favorite prints. Now each relative has their favorite diaper print or style. The market is endless and waiting for your purchase to arrive in the mail is almost as exciting as putting the diaper on itself. It’s fun to network with other mom’s and see who is using what type of diaper and who has found a better more absorbent diaper for night. There is so much fun information, and you’ll find your feedback is important. What can be better than surfing the net for new diapers, or selling your gently used diapers to update your collection. Oh and don’t forget the extra cushion babies have when they start meeting gravity. Cotton is much softer to land on than a flat paper diaper.
MARKETABLE: I can sell my diapers after I use them. Who knew. You’ll never see a used disposable diaper on eBay, or Craig’s list. Then again, you might. You can buy a diaper for 20.00, use it for 2 years, and then if it is still ready for many more uses sell it for at 10.00. Good diapers whole there value….I would compare cloth diapers to a Toyota or Honda versus a disposable which would be a Saturn. You’ll see a running ’93 mint Toyota for sale in 2011 but never a running ’93 Saturn.
IF EVERYONE JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE WOULD YOU: Be different. Sometimes the only reason people choose to do something is because they have never been taught anything different. If you break the mold, you might just break a few more. It is a lot of fun to spread the joy and passion of cloth diapering.
SAFTEY: Not enough research has been done on what effects chemicals against baby skin can cause after several years. Here are a few things in disposable diapers; Polyethylene or cloth-like film, tissue, hot melts, Hydrophobic Non-woven, Hydrophilic Non-woven, polyurethane or polyester foam, synthetic rubber or Lycra ,Lateral Tapes,
Cellulose, frontal tapes, ADL, Sodium Polyacrylate, did I lose you yet….Aloe Vera, Vitamin E, Petrolatum, Almond Oil, Vitamin D, Oat Extract, Jojoba, etc. There is another trend to use antibacterial lotions (such as tertiary ammonia or silver salt compounds); however, many pediatricians are against its use for obvious reasons, for even greater product differentiation, some diapers use decorated films underneath the cloth-like back sheet. Some use as many as nine inks with all kinds of well known characters such as Disney, Sesame Street, Soccer teams, etc. Another gimmick they use is a wetness indicator. I think that list speaks for itself.
A video of how Disposable diapers are made :

(If you don’t have time to watch the full 5 minutes watch from 4:19 -on…it’s the most crucial reason to make your mind up about cloth) Those gel particles while convenient harbor bacteria. Also a different polymer has been used to clean up the oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. Basically polymer’s are versatile, but should be used with caution. “if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is”.

ENVIRONMENT: It takes 500 years for 1 disposable diaper to decompose. Which means your poop from when you were a baby is still in the landfills! The chemicals in disposables also can leach into our waters and soil, contaminating our water supply. Water and electricity are renewable energy sources, which is what cloth thrives on to be clean. It takes tons of crude oil to produce the diapers you see on the racks at stores. Enough said.

If your interested in starting your cloth diaper collection I know of several great resources. Here are two of my favorites :

www.Abbyslane.com ( Free shipping, Amazing customer service, giveaways and sales often, and any questions you have about products are answered timely and honestly.) My entire cloth diaper collection is from them.

http://www.clothdiaperfoundation.org/ ( I have never had the pleasure to use their services, but this could be helpful to many mother’s) I wish I had access to them before I had my daughter. They have a great program that jump starts cloth diapering for families in need. Check it out!

Many parents, Mike & I included don’t realize how important sleep is for their children. We all know it is important, but I think we figure “It’s just a baby, there is no way we can shape their sleep”. Well Parent’s, your wrong!!! It has been almost a week now, and I see quite a difference in our little Angel since we have picked up the Sleep Lady’s book. The Sleep Lady is Kim West a licensed clinical social worker who has worked with thousands of families . She does a great job of outlining how important sleep habits are for babies of every age. The book makes you feel like you are doing the first good thing for your child and yourself by creating good sleep patterns. It’s a good feeling as a new parent to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that the “attachment parenting style” does not work for everyone. A little crying is worth it in the end, but it does not have to be harsh. Before I go on and on about the great things this book has done for us in a week, I would like to acknowledge a few things that caused me difficulty. I had trouble understanding the appropriate time to start applying the principals of this book. I would like to save some parents from making the same mistakes I did.

First, the book does not touch on the “sleep shuffle” until 6 months of age. Do not get that confused. If you have a child who is under the age of 6 months continue reading the book after the 5 month mark but that does not mean you should start enacting the sleep shuffle. Next, we gave Mary Rose a pacifier to slow the tears the first time we did a new bedtime routine . In the back of my head I kept wondering if we were creating another sleep crutch for her. I was right, because whenever it fell out we would have to replace it. I would recommend from my experience not to start a pacifier at 5 months if she/he has never had one before. It’s cheating, and it’s not going to get you to the ultimate goal.

How last night went for us “ We put Mary Rose to bed at 7:07 pm and she did not wake up again until 12:30 am on the 6th night of our “sleep Shuffle”. Mom patted her back and gave her back her pacifier. It took 4 minutes and she was asleep once again. She woke back up at 1:30 and mom proceed to give her a nightly feeding which she usually gives at 2 am give or take a half hour. Mom laid the baby back into the crib after the feeding and Mary Rose went to bed without a peep. She did not wake up until 5:45 am. Dad tried to soothe the sleepy baby, but ended up picking her up and handing her to mom saying “it’s been 10 hours, she’s hungry” Now it is 6:39 am and I have the sleep lady’s book next to me, wondering if today is the day I’ll find the answer of how to teach a 5 ½ month old to sleep.

West’s book is a great outline full of many great suggestions backed up by her 15 years of experience. The 8 rules are important to understand, but somewhere down the line we got baby brain and completely lost our commonsense. I think baby brain for mother’s can be attributed to one or all of the following reasons’ “being a 24 hour nursing machine, 2 am feedings and 12 30 am pacifier popping, lack of sleep when baby naps because you are in awe of silence you forget it doesn’t last, and last but not least constantly helping daddy learn the new skills you just learned”.

So back to the issue of sleep. It will be a full week of trying Kim West’s sleep system and the progress has been slow, but probably due to my misunderstanding of the system . Since their has been some progress I look forward to continuing the techniques. The book has acted like a companion. Something I consult throughout the night when I can’t make it another tear. It is open and carefully dissected in between classes, in the car, and while reality TV is on. It holds all my hopes and dreams, literally, of a good night’s sleep. I would recommend giving this book to every pregnant mother at her first prenatal visit. That way she will be worried about the important stuff “sleep”, and less worried about what color to paint the walls in the nursery.

There was an awakening in my soul after Mary Rose was born and since her birth I have yet to be the same. You hear all the time, that becoming a mother changes you. Until it happens you can’t possible understand the solidity of that statement. Change comes gradual, you don’t just wake up one day and say “Hey I am a mom, look how awesome I am”…it’s more of an “oh I am in 1st grade..now 2nd, now 3rd…all of sudden your in 8th going into highschool ” kinda change. God works mysteriously because babies are little timers that start new skills just as mothers start to master their own skills. To sum it all up in four words “It comes full circle”.

I think the saying “good things come in small packages” is about little babies. What an amazing little gift. Keep in mind I am a bit bias because she is our little girl, but she is so much stronger, smarter, bigger, and happier than I would have ever expected any baby to be. I will attribute that to the 70 hard lbs gained during the pregnancy, no reason to limit yourself..right!!?? Mary Rose has an amazing sense of herself. From the moment she was born she knew what she liked and was going to make sure everyone knew what that was. She kicked the oxygen tent open the entire time she was in the nursery. She was saying “If I could run to my mommy & daddy I would be outta here”. Now she just smiles and sticks out her tongue to tell us who she likes to communicate with. If I stuck out my tongue people would be offended or werided out. Her Paws have the grip of a grizzly bear. Once she gets a hold of you, your stuck She is also good at koala climbing your arm with her legs and feet! Oh the joys of a little baby go on and on!!

Daddy seems to be adjusting great to all the changes. I have never met another man with such patience and understanding. Since the day Mary Rose and Dad met at the hospital I can see a special light in her eye everytime she sees him. He was there for her the moment she entered this big scary world. His “girls” is the reason he is gets up in the morning to leave for work. He enjoys the small things, like laying on the couch while she jumps in her jumper, and plays in her bouncer. It’s priceless to see him feeding her a bottle. As for our relationship it can get tough at times because of the long hours at work, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. We are mindful of each of the sacarfices each of us has to make in order to give our family everything they need. I expect big things for our family, and they way things have turned out I can see that happening.

It isn’t easy being a “stay at home” mama, but now going back to school I really appreciate it. 2 weeks after having my angel I went back to school. I probably was still drugged up from the hospital. I didn’t realize how tired I actually was until school ended. I spent the whole summer trying to catch up on sleep, cloth diaper research, nursing every second of any free time, and waking up every few hours at night to sooth my infant. Now it is September and she is 5 months old…almost half a year! I enrolled in a unversity and just concluded my first full week, almost. Thanks to sleep training which I decided to start last friday, I have a cold that could take down a 800 lb elephant and so does daddy and baby. So here we are almost 1 week into a new routine and we are all sicker than elephants. I can’t even think straight between school, reality tv, and baby tears.

What else can I do to catch you up on stuff before I really start to blog around….well I mentioned cloth diapers. That was a project. Who knew cloth diapers could be so “expensive” and detailed. They are really only expensive once, but save so much money in the long run. And as crazy as this sounds cloth diapers are also a marketable item, that people actually buy used. Way to go Green eh! Mike & I have been inspired to be a greener home! Our next project is to buy wool dryer balls and see if they really cut the dryer time by 25%! Sounds Lame…but like I said I have changed;)

Oh we are engaged! Yes, he asked me in a beautiful forest in Michigan during the fourth of july weekend. I got to say, I love wearing my ring to school!! It’s such a different feeling to be walking around a campus basically married! I have nothing to worry about when I walk into my Physic’s class after 2 hours of sleep and it’s not because I drank to much the night before! By the way those days of drinking are a thing of the past, I can’t stand the feeling of being hung-over after 2 glasses of wine! EickkkkK!! Anyways you can get the same “hung over” feeling after only lightly sleeping for two hours each night for 5 months.

So how I project this semester to go; baby milestones,  losing a few more lbs, straight A’s, some quality family time, good memories, and a full-time position for Mike @ a full-time department. Let’s see how the “sleep lady’s good night sleep tight” book treats me tonight!

Time to Recharge my Zen……….

My energy has been divided into 3 things lately besides the obvious 35% work, 35% school, 35% sleep, 5% emotion. I would like to grow up quicker mentally, so maybe it would catch up with my body. Unfortunately they have yet to find each other. Every once and awhile my emotions seem to get the best of my because my go getter “roll with the punches attitude” has dissolved with my every growing body. I suppose you could say i had to get rid of some of my ideals to make room for acceptance.

I saw myself exploring the west, now I am interviewing pediatricians and taking advice from other new moms. I think anyone who runs into a life changing event changes themselves with the event. Its funny how ignorant people can be…..an example would be ” Oh my gosh did you see her?! She looks so different…” no one stops to think maybe life took over for awhile while that person sat inside hoping everything would take care of itself because obviously planning step by step for life is for the birds.

I need to remind myself every so often of my favorite things about this world. I found this poem in my blackberry I must have wrote it while enjoying the peacefulness of a morning in the woods, its not edited but I thought it would give you some insight of what I enjoy most in life besides the obvious:

” I have been many beautiful places across America, but unlike most I prefer to stay in a tent versus a hotel. The thrill of sleeping with nature is invigorating. The thin lining of fabric is not worth the time it took to put it up when your nested between trees and wilderness. It is mainly there for piece of mind. I have found my inner strength as I rafted down the Wolf river. I have stayed on Indian reservations and found myself longing for the simplicity of their lifestyle as they catch minnows for a living. I watched a helpless friend depend on my leech detaching skills to save her leg:) After learning making a fire is a skill I had not acquired yet in Devils Lake I was left to be memorized by an unexpected meteor shower in complete darkness. Braved the swarms of mosquito’s and horse flies to swim in a perfectly placed lake in the deep upper woods of Michigan. Minnesota has the most adoring loon calls over beauty lake. Gazing up at millions of stars from the dock makes the cold disappear. More recently I have taken my adventures West to the Colorado Rockies coming from the land of prairies I was bewildered by the loudness of each still mountain. There are some places that are not meant to be captured by a photograph…”
I need a dose of the wilderness as soon as possible, because this world is much more chaotic than the stillness of trees during the day and star gazing at night.

Mother and Baby are doing great:) We had a few bumps along the way and we are struggling to get through a cold that has lingered since before Christmas. Only a few more weeks until I met my gift from God and I still need to spend some time getting used to all the changes. I am going to try hard to remain the same, and not become a house wife. I want to be a mother first then worry about the cleaning. I hope my baby and I are able to make the incredible journey to each other as peacefully as possible. If we can just take some time out each day to smell the flowers, leave the weeds, and laugh at the little things I think we will make it.

As I ponder the ways I have been affected by Christ I am proud to be a Catholic. The best decision I have ever made was going to put Christ at the center of my life. The minute I found out I was pregnant I knew the decision I needed to make. I believe that God was with me that day, helping me through what I thought would never have happened to me. I made a decision that day that I knew I could live with. I had no idea who would support me, or who would disown me, but I knew that at the end of my life I could leave this world knowing that I made a decision that God would be proud of.

At the end of this I would really like to see my family and future family bloom in the presence of Christ!

“Like a car, only the manufacture knows what it’s purpose is and what it is capable of doing…so I suppose people would be similar in comparison to their creator”

Welcome to My Blog:) My 20 week ultra sound is coming up! Daddy hasn’t seen the baby on the ultra sounds since we were 5 weeks along, because of our ever conflicting work and school schedules.  He makes up for it by doing all sorts of sweet things for mommy…making her tacos at night, mixing up frozen juices, eating ice cream, and changing her flat tires in the rain:) Now if I could only focus on studying for my major exams coming up….